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Spanker vs. Spankee — What's the Difference?

Edited by Tayyaba Rehman — By Urooj Arif — Updated on April 16, 2024
A spanker is the individual who administers a spank, typically as a form of punishment or in a consensual setting, while a spankee is the person who receives the spank.
Spanker vs. Spankee — What's the Difference?

Difference Between Spanker and Spankee


Key Differences

The spanker takes on the active role in the act of spanking, administering the spank either as a disciplinary measure, in a playful scenario, or within consensual adult activities, whereas the spankee is on the receiving end, experiencing the physical effect of the action.
In contexts involving discipline, such as parenting or educational settings, the spanker is typically an authority figure implementing a punitive measure, while the spankee is the individual being disciplined, often perceived as having committed a transgression.
Within the dynamics of consensual adult activities, particularly in BDSM, the roles of spanker and spankee are part of a negotiated power exchange where the spanker controls the intensity and duration of the activity, and the spankee consents to the terms and conditions of the interaction.
Emotionally, the spanker might feel a sense of control or responsibility, while the spankee might experience a range of feelings from submission to excitement, depending on the context of the spanking.
The role of the spanker is subject to more scrutiny and potential consequences, especially concerning consent and the appropriateness of spanking in non-consensual scenarios, whereas the spankee's role involves understanding and consenting to the act, especially in adult relationships.

Comparison Chart


Administers the spank
Receives the spank


Disciplinary, playful, consensual adult activities
Subject of discipline, play, or consent

Power Dynamics

Typically in a position of control or authority
Typically in a position of receiving or submission

Emotional Experience

Control, responsibility
Submission, excitement, or discomfort

Legal and Ethical Considerations

Higher responsibility for consent and appropriateness
Responsible for giving consent, where applicable

Compare with Definitions


May experience a sense of power or responsibility.
The spanker felt a significant responsibility to ensure all acts were consensual.


Might be involved as part of a disciplinary action or consensual activity.
In the disciplinary context at school, he was often the spankee.


An individual who administers a spank.
As the spanker, he made sure to maintain a safe environment during the session.


An individual who receives a spank.
The spankee agreed to the terms set out in their agreement.


Can be involved in disciplinary or consensual activities.
In their role-play, she took on the role of the spanker.


Needs to provide clear consent in adult scenarios.
She, as the spankee, had clearly communicated her limits beforehand.


Must be aware of legal and ethical boundaries.
As a spanker, he was careful to understand and adhere to consensual practices.


Typically in a submissive role during the act.
As the spankee, her role was more passive during their play.


Often assumes a role of authority or control in the scenario.
The teacher, acting as the spanker, enforced the old disciplinary methods strictly.


Experiences can range from discomfort to enjoyment, based on context.
The spankee found the experience exhilarating within their safe word boundaries.


A usually gaff-headed sail set from the aftermost lower mast of a sailing ship.


The receiver or victim of a spanking


Someone who spanks.


An instrument used to give someone a spanking or spank, such as a paddle.


(nautical) A fore-and-aft gaff-rigged sail on the aft-most mast of a square-rigged vessel.


A musician who plays his instrument well.


A small coin.


(dated) One who takes long, quick strides in walking.


(dated) A swift horse.


Something very large, or larger than usual; a whopper.


Something splendid; a fine example of its kind.


One who spanks, or anything used as an instrument for spanking.


The after sail of a ship or bark, being a fore-and-aft sail attached to a boom and gaff; - sometimes called driver. See Illust. under Sail.


One who takes long, quick strides in walking; also, a fast horse.


Something very large, or larger than common; a whopper, as a stout or tall person.


A small coin.


A hitter who slaps (usually another person) with an open hand;
Someone slapped me on the back and I turned to see who the slapper was
My father was the designated spanker in our family


A fore-and-aft sail set on the aftermost lower mast (usually the mizzenmast) of a vessel

Common Curiosities

How does a spankee show consent?

A spankee shows consent by explicitly agreeing to the terms and conditions of the spanking, particularly in adult settings.

Can the roles of spanker and spankee change?

Yes, the roles can be fluid, especially in consensual adult relationships where partners may switch roles.

Are there legal implications for the spanker?

Yes, especially if the spanking crosses into abuse or is non-consensual, the spanker could face legal repercussions.

What responsibilities does a spanker have in consensual activities?

A spanker has the responsibility to ensure all activities are safe, sane, and consensual.

What is the role of a spanker in a disciplinary scenario?

In a disciplinary scenario, the spanker administers spanking as a form of punishment.

What emotions might a spankee experience?

A spankee might experience a range of emotions from fear and discomfort to excitement, depending on the context.

What safety measures should a spanker take?

A spanker should understand the physical limits, use safe words, and regularly communicate with the spankee to ensure safety.

How does one become a spanker or spankee in a BDSM context?

Entering these roles in a BDSM context involves negotiation, setting boundaries, and consenting to specific activities.

Is spanking legal as a form of child discipline?

The legality of spanking children as discipline varies by country and state, with some places banning the practice entirely.

How can a spankee ensure their safety?

A spankee should communicate boundaries clearly, use safe words, and ensure a mutual understanding of consent with the spanker.

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Author Spotlight

Written by
Urooj Arif
Urooj is a skilled content writer at Ask Difference, known for her exceptional ability to simplify complex topics into engaging and informative content. With a passion for research and a flair for clear, concise writing, she consistently delivers articles that resonate with our diverse audience.
Tayyaba Rehman is a distinguished writer, currently serving as a primary contributor to As a researcher in semantics and etymology, Tayyaba's passion for the complexity of languages and their distinctions has found a perfect home on the platform. Tayyaba delves into the intricacies of language, distinguishing between commonly confused words and phrases, thereby providing clarity for readers worldwide.

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